for what we've been through
and what we want to go through
i keep on re-dedicating my love to you
i'm still working towards a better self
and celebrating the idea of a lifetime
i only start to feel stupid
when i feel like my greatfulness was hidden

but watch it shine in all the ways i am good to you
and watch it grow brighter through all the things i learn
take it with you as you leave
watch it linger in your heart while out and away
and feel it welcome you home with joy

my passion
my love
it grows with your willingness to celebrate life
thanks for reminding me to keep my chin up
and shine on

open and down
low and private
i know why not to feel sad when you leave
i know why i need to see you go
i know why i need to keep busy while you're away
i know why it bothers me
(i know a hundred reasons, actually)
i just wish i knew you understood

i strengthen my belief
and suck up the fear
my hands are shaking as i panic to pretend
this time i wont let you see or hear or feel

i just want to apologize
i just want to change
i just
i just...

i'm guilty
..of being down
"cuz i can never get enough, of love." - c.crows

reaching out
branching out
finding a way to heal, to change, to make things different
finding a way to be different, to change for myself
I wanted to be a part of something
I wanted to feel like I belonged and could fit in
I wound up back at myself
still myself, still unique / different / seperate

but I found more in a day by doing, than sitting in my brain
always where I need to be, right in the middle of a reason
I take strength in learning the purpose of a moment
and I was there to be reminded that I am me, and me alone

When this began
I had nothing to say
And I'd get lost in the nothingness inside of me
I was confused
And I'd let it all out to find
That I'm not the only person with these things in mind
Inside of me When all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I've got left to feel
Nothing to lose Just stuck, hollow and alone
And the fault is my own and the fault is my own
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
What I thought was never real
I want to let go of
the pain I felt so long
Erase all the pain till it's gone
I wanna heal
I wanna feel
Like Im close to something real
I want to find something
I've wanted all along
Somewhere I belong
-linkin park

done in december means moving on.
means no more passing off classes, means, d o n e.
you can ask me what i want to do
and i'll come up with a few things to satisfy your interest
there's no time for all the answers.
done in december means you wont ask what i want to do
you'll ask me what i'm doing
and what will satisfy your interest then?

I get paid $8/hr
I'm worth $40/hr

want to hear my insecurities,
and my self decided handicap of no will-power?
well, that's a $32 dollar story

up and over, making the leap
accepting the next level of challenges and leaving emotional routien behind
expect nothing, but different
dark skies brings a call for words
needing and answer, getting something else
(what i needed)
taught me to get up, and get over
the extra umph needed to leap

WHEN I TURN 21

(instead of getting drunk)

I AM GOING TO SKY DIVE

there will never be a thousand flashes set out to caputre me crossing the finish line
and here i find satisfaction... little things, details, finding the best in what's often overpassed

ever find that style of yours? the little things?
like i have certain numbers and letters i like to write more than others
i hate the number 5 ... love lowercase a